Taking back my life!

It has been a while since I have written, busy living life I guess. I continue to try to regain my life.

I had taken my rights back from my mother. Now my brother and sister have also. My sister, being the oldest of the children, owns my Father’s rights. We have recovered the money from my Father’s life insurance. We are working on getting our possessions back. So many of our things were taken when my father was arrested. But once the charges for Racketeering were dropped these things should have been returned. We have never gotten any of our things back. We were children and taking our childhood things had nothing to do with the case against my father. We survived and bear the scars to prove it. Im done apologizing for my father’s actions. I was powerless to do anything, I didn’t really understand what was going on

Life continues, the Good and the Bad. I continue to have issues with my MS. Expected as I get older. I feel as though I am truly Christin at this point in my life. No more lies or magic “Payday Monday”.I live a”normal” life. This is my first try at normal and it’s pretty cool. I could never go back to my childhood life. Recently, my Mothe made a comment about after my father was arrested she went back to her normal life. Oh, that’s right she lived normal for 20 yes before my father came into her life. Why and how could the way we lived ever be allowed if you knew better? I don’t understand. Moving forward, I am grateful for what I have and will continue to strive for better.

Stay warm and Healthy!

Christin

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7 thoughts on “Taking back my life!

  1. Kristin congratulations when you finally have the opportunity to take your life back there is no greater feeling and please let me say I am speaking from experience once you make that decision to take your life back you get it back and good things start falling out of the sky and you not only take your life back but you get so much more than what you bargained for in a positive way so much more I will pray for you and I have had a very difficult life and the only good advice I could give you is life is too short take the good and throw the rest away I know it’s easier said than done but it is doable and you are a living proof you don’t wait for anyone to give you anything you take it back so many people have influenced your life in such a negative way I am so sorry for that I wish you well and I wish you would please try to write a little more frequent there are a lot of people who care about you

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    1. Thank You, that was really nice to hear. I am trying to continue forward, some days are harder than others as I’m sure you can imagine.
      Christin

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  2. Dear Christin,
    Always a fascinating read when you post and it’s great to see some real positivity coming back into your life. Never apologize for your father, he made his own choices and it’s been you guys who have been left paying for them ever since.
    Your health is your wealth and I have nothing but positive thoughts going out to you. I hope we can read your posts more regularly.
    Stay well

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  3. Hi Christin. You don’t know me. We’ve never met. I was watching some of the vids on your father just cause and came across this blog. Never take blame or be judged by the actions of others. Anyone willing to judge should look in the mirror and none do. Even with your fathers actions he was still your father and any half wit would know nothing is ever all bad. Live your own life and without doubt you kids should get your share of money from your father’s story and life. He would want that without question.

    As for Richard? I mean hell, Look at it this way. Regardless of what was done the fact is some of the folks listed as Richard’s victims would have been executed by the government itself in some states if tried for their own crimes. There were some innocent victims but most weren’t exactly boy scouts by any definition. they might say that folks connected or doing any type of business with the mob are victims but they can’t claim that they were innocent nor were they unknowing of the fact that they could be killed. Money and lives are mob currency. Now for the biggest part the mob is gone and the government is filling those shoes by the same playbook.

    You have nothing to apologize for. live your life and enjoy it.

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    1. Hi Julie,
      First I need to congratulate you, You Survived! I hear from your words the lost little girl. You’ve come a long way Baby.
      Our trained behavior was a survival issue we learned. Perhaps you mimicked the other members of your family. Did your Mom pretend like everything was fine?
      You were very lucky to be able to have a relationship with such a great person. My husband was an alcoholic from the start but his drinking and my dysfunction jived. An upsetting life of chaos felt very normal to me. I would not have done well in a healthy relationship yet.
      STOP analyzing your father. Those are not answers you will find nor do you need them. You have grown above that. I think that the emotions that I have today are a culmination of what I was meant to be like from birth and my life’s affects. We know that we want better then we had, and be better people than we had. I have found that the longer I live in a safe world, the more unimportant the past becomes. I will never have all the answers I seek. I will never truly understand my parents actions. How could my sister and I be so very different from each other.
      What matters is that we are here, which I never thought I would be, better than we’ve ever been!
      Enjoy your Life.
      Christin

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  4. Hi Christin,

    I read the book by Philip Carlo and recently watched the movie “Iceman”.

    As a total stranger, I won’t pretend to be familiar to you at all, but I wondered what happened to you and your family, left to carry on with life the best you could and deal with the aftermath. How hard it must be to have conflicted and mixed feelings about it all as well. I know it is hard to love and loathe somebody at the same time. I lived with a Dad that could be loving and generous or capable of such volatile physical anger in the snap of a finger. From all accounts, one of of his parents was cruelly abusive before abandoning the family altogether and I’m sure at some point my Father would have sworn he was never going to be like that but well, he could be. The generational scars.

    I have had to be very mindful and work hard to recognize my own vulnerabilities to see that the bearer of the torch of hurt is not passed on, largely I succeeded bar self esteem. I cannot imagine for a minute to have my life laid bare publicly for all to see as you have, yet it appears that you ARE moving forward with determination, so you are stronger than you can even imagine.

    It is sad to read you ever felt the burden to apologize for your Father’s (or anybody else’s) actions, ultimately the only behavior or choices you are solely responsible or answerable too are YOUR OWN. The legacy you eventually leave will be YOURS, not anybody elses.

    I wish you all the best in life, hopefully finding some inner peace. Also I hope with your MS, extended periods of remission and negligible flares.

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