The holidays always bring mixed feelings.

Is it the holidays or just the end to another year. I work so hard to stay positive, teetering on the brink of depression. I feel grateful for what I have and for my survival. Tears are fought back on a daily basis, but there is nothing I can pin point as the cause. My sister is not well and I worry about her.

I am not one of those people who like to talk politics, but we are in trouble! Our world does not seem to be heading in a good direction. 

Just sad memories and dark days. I hope this gets better, soon!

Christin

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8 thoughts on “The holidays always bring mixed feelings.

  1. Hello Christin. My first time messaging you. I’m sorry things are hard. The holidays are hell on a lot of people. I am one those people. We all have our reasons why, but there’s always those who question how anyone could not like the holidays. I’m not a fan of this time of year at all. It’s rough. Keep your head up and keep truckin’…..all we can do. I’ll be thinking and praying for you and your family.

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  2. Hang in there Christin. Not to get super “religious” on you, but…this world truly is temporary. Sin has and will continue to make this earth difficult and painful. Cast your cares and concerns on Him. Seek wisdom how to live on this earth in the human manual (the Bible). Make sure you’re eligible to receive His promises (John 6:45, Romans 10:17, John 3:16, Hebrews 11:6, Luke 13:3, 2 Peter 3:9, Matthew 10:32, Romans 10:9-10, Mark 16:16, 1 Peter 3:21, Matthew 10:22, Revelation 2:10). God never promised a fair life, a happy life, or an easy life. All of those promises are reserved in heaven…Praying for you and your family.

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  3. Christin,

    I know you may not feel like it, but you are an inspiration to many for what you’ve gone through. Have you ever considered public speaking? There are many people who would like to hear your story and how you’ve persevered done your best to lead a normal, productive life despite adversity. I believe the positive feedback you would undoubtedly receive would be a source of strength for you and a positive influence in your life.

    I don’t know if you are a religious person, but if you can put all your worries and fears into God’s hands, He will take those burdens off your shoulders.

    I’ll pray for you, your sister and your family that you all can know God’s love and the caring of friends you don’t yet know.

    Merry Christmas.

    Joe

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  4. Hi Christin

    I hate this time of year. There are too many triggers for me. My sisters are the same – we all struggle. Even when I’m laughing with my mother-in-law I want to be laughing with my own mother, but I can’t.

    You say that you fight back tears on a daily basis but you say there is nothing that you can pin point the cause on. Maybe you can’t pin point the cause because you’re not quite looking in the right place. Maybe your past is affecting you more than you think. Maybe you’re getting little triggers but because they seem relatively small you pass them off. You haven’t had an easy life and even though you have a loving husband and son now, your past will always be there. A doctor once said to me that I should be happy because what happened to me happened in the past. Luckily I had had enough therapy to realise that his words were just plain ignorant. I didn’t even bother justifying my unhappiness to him because I knew he wouldn’t understand.

    Fighting back tears during the day (and crying at night) was normal for me for many many years. Now I have weekly psychodynamic therapy through a charity and take an anti depressant (and sometimes beta blockers) to help me get through my days. I have a loving husband, a roof over my head and a stable job but with many of us who have been raised in a dysfunctional environment, it’s pretty normal for us (at the very least) to suffer with bouts of depression and anxiety. And a lot of us will still have a degree of dysfunction around us to deal with.

    It wasn’t until my latest round of therapy that I started to appreciate the level of dysfunction that we operated on in our family. We were not rich but we had a lot of our physical needs met so from the outside I think most people would have thought we were a ‘normal’ family. What people didn’t see was what went on behind closed doors. My mother’s mental illness was minimalised and my mother minimalised my father’s abuse. I would then minimalise the abuse my sisters and I suffered from both parents and later I would minimalise the abuse I suffered in my romantic and work relationships. Today I battle with reality and my perception of it. Boundaries are still quite obscure.

    Be gentle with yourself. I’m useless at opening up to my husband as it never occurs to me to do that! He tells me I never tell him what’s going on upstairs (my mind). A little sharing can sometimes bring some support, even if there is nothing your partner (or confidant) can actually physically do.

    I’m sorry to hear your sister is unwell. I hope she can get better soon.

    Best wishes to you and your family x

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