I Forge forward without my Family

I have had a few days to think, I tried to contact my brother. He isn’t taking my calls. wish I could say, I was surprised.

I laugh thinking of all the times my mother would say, ” he is dead to me”, for some infraction that he had done. I Think my sister has been “Dead To Her”, the most times. I have only been, “Dead to her”, once before my current Death!

And the all the times I went to my mother, on behalf of my brother, pleading his side and telling her ,” He is your Son!”.  She had disowned him and had made it clear with me , because we were living together,” If your brother comes to visit you,  He is not welcomed in my apartment.” So when my brother called me and asked to come for a visit, he wanted to tell Mom that his girlfriend was pregnant. He was going to be a father! I made plans with him to come for dinner, then I headed downstairs to talk to my Mother.  As soon as I got the words out of my mouth, ” Dwayne was coming for dinner”. She told me that it was my business if I chose to see my brother but he was not welcome in her appartment.

I asked her to sit I had something I needed to discuss with her, she grudgingly sat. “Mom, I need to talk to you,” she started to complain, but I over spoke her complaints and told her why Dwayne was coming.   Needless to say ,He is now a God.

So now, I will have no contact with any of my family. I already know that she had told my brother that when she died, he was not to tell me or allow me at services. What she didn’t know was I said I was done with her. I Meant It.  I would not seek an invitation. I did not go to my father’s HBO sponsored wake, and I will not attend my mothers.

I am, “OK”, with this.



18 thoughts on “I Forge forward without my Family

  1. So….. Dwayne and his dinner invitation: was THAT genuine– or was it just a ploy to warm you up, so that he could ask about your mother’s china? You do realize, of course, that your little brother is doing whatever he must, however distasteful he finds it, to not be on Barbara’s bad side again, don’t you , My Darling? He doesn’t enjoy treating his Sis this way. But to be around Mom, there HAS to be dysfunction and confusion, and he wants to be around Mom right now. My guess is that there was a show down, and Dwayne was given a “choice”… AND, after all the years of him totally shunning publicity, he allowed his son’s full name, pix, etc., to be displayed on various social media sites! I can’t believe he would do something so reckless…. But, I guess we know who orchestrated THAT, since one ( and there were many) of the newspaper announcements read, “PROUD GRANDMOTHERS ARE BARBARA KUKLINSKI, AND —- ( you can mentally insert Alicia’s Mom’s name in the blank, since I will not re-print it here). Keep your head up, Girl. Incidentally, many, many people are waiting on your book with anxiety. You have a gift ; you should utilize it. And, I know it hurts to have no dependable family right now- but , inside, you KNOW you did the right thing. Sometimes, the hardest thing to do in this life is to shake your head and calmly walk away…..


    1. You have no idea what or who you are talking about. I don’t need or seek anyones approval. And where are my son’s pics? On my Facebook account where MY friends can see them.


        1. The birth announcement?? That’s being reckless? Lmao. You should have texted me. No need to do this here. Must be how you want it. Fine. Yes I had a son. Best thing that ever happened to me and I chose to share my joy. Wasn’t orchestrated by anyone. I’m not a puppet. Sorry to dissapoint you Pat. Person that I don’t know


          1. Dear Mr. Dwayne Kuklinski,

            I waited quite a while to respond to you, because, quite frankly, out

            of all the followers your talented sister has via her blog, I’m astounded

            that you chose to respond to me. First, I do understand why the mention

            of your child would trigger the emotional comments you wrote.

            Second, I ALSO understand that you didn’t exactly beg to be under a

            spotlight, either now, or in 1986, or in the ’90s, etc — however, the

            unpleasant fact is, you are a known entity, and, as such, people are

            going to observe your actions, and comment about them. As “followers”,

            we are privy to only one side of the so- called “story”– and we also

            place great faith in what Christin Kuklinski relates on this site.

            Personally, I think that your sister is one of the bravest, kindest

            SURVIVORS I’ve ever seen; I think ALL of your father’s children

            deserve to live lives full of peace, love, & financial stability . I know: my

            opinion plus $1.98 will get you a Whooped Jr. at your local Burger King.

            Anyway, I , in my “reply” to an ( obviously) hurting Christin, may have

            made the mistake of opining about her estranged family’s motivations,

            including yours, and you’re correct ; I know none of you personally.

            Your big Sis is such an awesome penman, she can make 1,000 followers

            feel as if we are each her most intimate friend. Incidentally, your son has

            the most angelic face since Shirley Temple. I understand why you would

            want to show him off, so, again, I apologize. I was honestly trying to

            express concern re: those nut jobs that actually applaud and claim that

            they plan to emulate only the negative aspects of your Dad’s life. So, I

            questioned THOSE people’s reactions to seeing/recognizing ( In THEIR

            sick minds),”The Great Ice Man’s” newest grandson– so, I harshly used

            the word “reckless.” Again, I see now that my word choice could’ve been

            more tactful. If it means anything to you, I still question the soundness

            of unveiling your precious little one’s pic and full name to the entire

            internet world. IDK if you are privy to the huge, ever growing following

            Richard Kuklinski has, but if you read some of the insane comments and

            user-names beneath his HBO clips on YouTube, it’s quite unsettling, to

            say the least. Anyway, I hope you see this response to YOUR response to

            MY response to Christin’s entry– oh, yeah: I want to clarify something…

            Just because I am apologizing to Dwayne for offending him, it in NO

            wise suggests that I believe people should curtail their opinions or

            stifle their freedom of speech in any way. If Christin’s, or if ANYONE’S

            words move you to say or type a few words of your own– wunderbar!

            That’s one of the privileges we enjoy in this wonderful country we live

            in. I still stand behind the fact that I had an opinion about the girl’s

            family, and therefore expressed it. What I am SORRY for is that my

            opinion negatively affected and annoyed a fellow human being, and

            for not thinking before I just blithely criticized a situation I was not

            privy to… Ok? Hopefully, Dwayne Kuklinski will someday read this, and

            will not continue to think there’s a totally foul hater in St. Louis with a

            chip on her shoulder. God Bless Us, every one !!

            Liked by 1 person

  2. So…… Was Dwayne’s whole, “It’s been a while! Let’s get together ” thing just a ruse, or a ploy, to warm you up so he could ask you about your mother’s dinnerware, or do you think he was for real about that? ( Forgive me if you receive this question twice ; but it appears that my last comment simply disappeared into cyberspace 🙂


  3. So….. Was the dinner invitation from Dwayne genuine, or was it just a ploy to slyly ask if you’d “misplaced” Mom’s fancy dinnerware?


    1. Thanks for being SO understanding re: the multiple posts, and I apologize if I was out of line talking about your personal stuff. This is the last long one, I swear. Lol! I was just nervous, because my 13 year old daughter, Meghan, calls you her “hero”, and she even got an “A+” on a beautiful report she gave about you in school, entitled, ” The Girl Who Had To Be Her Own Parents ” (alternate title was going to be ” The Secret Grown -Up on Sunset Street” ) Anyway: It was very tactfully done, I promise you. Her teacher loved it, & I did not let her see the HBO specials, nor did she read “The Iceman”. She’s getting to read a part of her story about you during Creative Writing presentations– and my Baby is going to flip when she finds out you addressed my comment. Thanks for responding! I don’t believe Meghan could have made a better choice.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Pat -please tell Meghan, I am honored that she wrote her paper about me. I am very impressed with the At, ” You Go Girl!”. you are very young and have your whole life ahead of you. The best thing I can say is Live your Life being your own Hero. Give thought to your actions, and be the person you would like and respect. That is what I have tried to do, I can put my head on my pillow at night knowing that I am a good person. I try to say Hello to one stranger every day. I remember days when I was very upset and a stranger’s kindness gave me hope. Thank You, Meghan. You have made my day. Good Luck to you and your Mom.


  4. “OK” will always be relative when it comes to family I imagine. Sometimes it’s mere a thing of self-preservation. When all the drama and conflicts is a constant drain on ones energy and emotional state. Hope you keep writing. Just learned about the entire saga. We can probably relate on many things, our childhood.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was born a siamese twin, my brother was still born. I lost my right leg during the separation, and my sister died when I was 3. My father was determined as hell to not have a crippled child and I endured a lot of hell from him growing up. If I did not run as fast as others, he would scream at me, if I got into a verbal altercation with a friend, I had the choice of beating up my friend or taking a beating for being a coward. I took the beating several times because violence was not my first choice ever.

      I do not know what it was like growing up the way you did, but I can understand the pain you suffered, even if my situation was different than yours. Over the last 10 years I stopped seeking my fathers approval and we do not talk now. Like you, I am ok with this but sadly, it makes my life so much easier.

      I hope whatever peace you seek in this life, you find it. Family can be much more cruel than complete strangers, but we must sometimes redefine family as those loved ones we may not share DNA with…



  5. I am sorry for your childhood, it must have been very difficult. So many grow up with terrible heavy crosses to bear. I wish there was a way to save everyone. A set of guidelines on how to raise a child. An answer for the people who torture and hurt others.
    I know we will never be able to fix all the wrongs. So many suffer. All I can say is stay strong and live the life that makes you happy!


  6. I hope you keep writing. I think your story is fascinating, and is one of survival. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like growing up in that kind of environment.


  7. I don’t think there’s any such thing as a normal family, but it’s all relative to your surroundings. I think it’s easy to take them for granted too, but we only get one shot at it so I guess what i’m trying to say is that if there’s a will there’s a way. You can’t choose your family like with friends so ya have to work extra hard to make it work.

    It seems like you’ve all had a lot to deal with for reasons that you had no control over, but you guys can give each other strength and purpose. I really hope you have managed to work things out since this was posted.

    And from reading another post from last year, I hope you got around to writing that book Christen, it’s most definitely a story that people would want to hear about. Especially one that doesn’t seek to sensationalize things.

    Or something that could bring you and your siblings together would to all have a part in writing about it.

    I wouldn’t get too hung up on trying to start a foundation or anything like that, look after yourself first and if writing about your experiences can make things more comfortable, I say go for it.

    Enjoyed reading your words!


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